22-year-old woman, living with ex-boyfriend, debates locking him out of shared apartment, after he refuses to get his broken key fixed, constantly waking her up late at night to let him in: ‘It might be the push he needs to be a responsible adult’

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Sep 12, 2025 7:00 PM EDT

Living with an ex is already a humbling experience and hardly anyone's ideal living situation, but sometimes, life doesn't leave room for any better options. So, you take deep breaths, retreat to your separate bedrooms, and keep your distance after 10 p.m. But living with an ex who makes you feel more like his mother than his former partner? That's a whole different level of uncomfortable. You once pictured having children with this man, and now you suddenly see that vision come to life, except you've become his mother. So how does one shake this uncomfortable maternal dynamic? 

Maybe it starts by refusing to spoon-feed him every time he whines. When he breaks his apartment key and refuses to replace it, you stop waking up at 3 a.m. to let him in. You leave him on the porch, and see how quickly he takes to find a locksmith…Sometimes, the only way to teach someone a lesson is by limiting their access to the teacher!

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  • Why would he take responsibility for himself when you're always the one fixing his problems? Why bother getting a new key when he has a 24-hour concierge just a few steps away? If you keep answering his calls to unlock the door at 3 a.m., he'll keep making them. If he won’t take your words seriously, maybe it’s time to show him through your actions that this situation needs to change.

  • 01
    "I'm debating keeping him locked out the whole night and refusing to wake up and let him in"
    via gettysignature

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    WIBTA if I locked my roommate out all night because he refuses to get a new key to the apartment?

    1 (22F) live with my ex (21M). We moved in together in February, but broke up shortly after because he was a lot different to live with compared to how we
    via ConstructionDecon
  • 03
    would visit eachothers apartments beforehand. Around March or April, his key broke. Thankfully it didn't get stuck in the lock and we have
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  • 04
    both pieces of the key. Also, it shouldn't cost anything to let the rental company know and get a new key because the key wasn't lost meaning they didn't have to re-key the whole apartment.
    via ConstructionDecon
  • 05
    I let him know that was his responsibility because it was his key. He has not done anything to contact the rental company. He
    via ConstructionDecon
  • 06
    refuses to call businesses due to anxiety and also just hasn't contacted them through email or the service portal on the website.
    via ConstructionDecon
  • 07
    We live in a safe neighborhood, but I prefer to lock the doors especially at night because you never know. Over summer I worked an internship and mainly
    via ConstructionDecon
  • 08
    lived in another city, so I was nice and gave him my key during that time. Now that I'm back home, I took my key back and decided I was done catering to him.
    via ConstructionDecon
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10552442368
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    In the 4 weeks I've been back, I've locked him out at least 6 times. I lock that door at night (around 9pm after I get home from work)
    via ConstructionDecon
  • 11
    and when I leave the apartment whether or not he is there. I've been woken up past midnight in a few occasions because he was locked out while on a date.
    via ConstructionDecon
  • 12
    I thought it I was more serious about the consequences if him not getting a new key then he would finally just do it. I'm now debating keeping him locked out
    via ConstructionDecon
  • 13
    the whole night and refusing to wake up and let him in. He knows I'm upset about this and all my friends agree it might be the push he needs to be a responsible
    via ConstructionDecon
  • 14
    adult. But I honestly feel bad about going through with it. It's still warm outside so staying out in the weather isn't an issue.
    via ConstructionDecon
  • 15
    His parents also live an hour away so it's not like he has nowhere to stay if I this. I've honestly struggled with standing my ground my whole
    via ConstructionDecon
  • 16
    life and can't tell if this would be an overreaction and going too far. At the same time I'm sick an tired of not locking the door at night or when no one is home. I
    via ConstructionDecon
  • 17
    don't think it is my responsibility to cater to his schedule and disrupt my own whenever he needs let into the apartment. WIBTA?
    via ConstructionDecon
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    Cheezburger Image 10552442624
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 19
    Fun-Yellow-6576 YTA. Just call the company and get a new key made ffs.
    via Fun-Yellow-6576
  • 20
    ConstructionDecon OP Why should I do yet another thing for him so he doesn't have to take responsibility? I've spent the whole relationship sacrificing my time, money, and energy to coddle him at every inconvenience. Why should I continue to do so after we've broken up?
    via ConstructionDecon
  • 21
    ZestycloseDonkey5513 So who's moving out? Why are you still living together?
    via ZestycloseDonkey5513
  • 22
    ConstructionDecon OP I'm moving out in November. Neither of us could afford the whole apartment by ourselves (both college students). I moved into the other bedroom and we've been like that since then.
    via ConstructionDecon
  • 23
    Ok_Tonight_3703 NTA. Nobody's locking him out. OP is locking the door to protect herself and her property. Locking him out would mean that she changed the locks. If her roommate can't even email and request a new key that's a him problem. Maybe he needs to reach out to his parents for help. His issues are not OP responsibility. What would he do if he lived alone? I bet he would figure it out.
    via Ok_Tonight_3703
  • 24
    Corpunlover NTA. Replacing a broken key is such basic adulting. That ex-bf can't manage something so simple is truly embarrasing, so, OP, don't listen to anyone telling you to be the "bigger person". Bigger person, my a. It's been 5-6 months, ffs. He can't. fix such a minor problem on his own in half a year?!
    via Corpunlover
  • 25
    Realistic_Head4279 NTA. Just tell your roommate that in the future you will be continuing to lock your apartment for security reasons and that you will no longer be getting up once you are asleep to give him access to the apartment so that he will be forewarned and hopefully prepared with a Plan B. You're his roommate, not his mother.
    via Realistic_Head4279
  • 26
    Wild-Association 1680 — ΝΤΑ his behavior is absurd. You shouldn't have to do this, but... it would literally take $2 and 2 minutes to have your key copied at a hardware store. Might be easier than getting him enough therapy to make a phone call to the rental company manageable.
    via Wild-Association1680

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responsibility keys lesson-learnt failblog aita redditstory middle of the night living together adulting askreddit new-key exes locked-outside broken lock out roommates stay-outside waking up
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